Friday, November 15, 2013
Book Review: Love and Respect in the Family
By Dr. Emerson Eggerichs
Thomas Nelson, 2013
English, 288 pgs
Children need love. Parents need respect.
It is as simple and complex as that!
When frustrated with an unresponsive child, a parent doesn’t declare, “You don’t love me.” Instead the parent asserts, “You are being disrespectful right now.” A parent needs to feel respected, especially during conflicts. When upset a child does not whine, “You don’t respect me.” Instead, a child pouts, “You don’t love me.” A child needs to feel loved, especially during disputes.
But here’s the rub: An unloved child (or teen) negatively reacts in a way that feels disrespectful to a parent. A disrespected parent negatively reacts in a way that feels unloving to the child. This dynamic gives birth to the FAMILY CRAZY CYCLE.
So how is one to break out of this cycle? Best-selling author Emerson Eggerichs has studied the family dynamic for more than 30 years, having his Ph.D. in Child and Family Ecology. As a senior pastor for nearly two decades, Eggerichs builds on a foundation of strong biblical principles, walking the reader through an entirely new way to approach the family dynamic. For instance, God reveals ways to defuse the craziness with our children from preschooler to teen, plus how to motivate them to obey and how to deal with them when they don’t. In the Bible, God has spoken specifically to parents on how to parent. This book is about that revelation.
I have read book after book on parenting and discipline trying to figure out how to better relate to and teach my boys. I think this is the book I've been looking for all along!
I had read Love and Respect for marriage and it has never occurred to me to apply the same principles to my sons. I've changed the way I relate to them and speak to them and I'm seeing boys open up and talk, hug more and even chase me down to give me a kiss "just because".
The biggest thing that has changed is me. I've learned that my worth isn't dependent on my children's behavior. My response is my responsibility. My value and place in the world isn't up to them to decide. I cannot force my children to do anything. They make their choices and they decide for themselves whether or not to obey. It has nothing to do with how I parent them. I am accountable to God for how I raise these boys, they are accountable to God with how they act and react.
I know that things are not going to be perfect, but they're getting better thanks to the GUIDES principles in the book and being able to identify the Family Crazy Cycle and how to get off of it when it starts.
I received a copy of the book in exchange for a review. No additional compensation has been received and I was not required to write a positive review.